Hand washing. Thoughts?
FIL rarely washes his hands. Has been living with myself and husband for 3 years when his wife passed. He is 90 years old with several health issues, including Parkinson’s, but is able to ambulate with a cane and take care of other hygiene measures, including brushing teeth, shaving, showers and dressing/undressing self. He can feed himself / checks and records daily vitals and weight. Has his own bathroom. I will hear the flushing of the toilet but will not hear water running afterwards. have checked soap dispenser, bar soap, sink, towel, and all appeared to be unused. I have left alcohol type cleansers, and those appear unused. I have seen him wash his hands before dinner at kitchen sink but not routinely. When confronted, he claims that he is washing his hands with bar soap. Became almost angry when I had that brief conversation - thoughts?
Bigger picture: do you want him to continue living with you? Meaning, is it just this one issue that's bothering you and if it's resolved you'll be happy, or is it kind of a "last-straw" or "situation becoming too much" symptom?
Good luck to you.
Their era learned to "wash your hands before supper", so they make a habit of it. But, he simply may not have learned to wash his hands more regularly. At 90, he probably grew up with an outhouse, a Sears catalog for wiping, and a large metal tub for family baths once a week. They survived.
And, agreed that men of this era grew up without hand washing being important or sometimes even easily possible, and I think that as they age they revert to ingrained habits and have a hard time following what doesn’t come natural, even if they intend to.
Best of luck to you.
🙏❤️☘️
Also having Clorox type wipes around to wipe door knob’s, handles, etc. might be a good idea too.
maybe try wet wipes with a bin next to them /
the novelty may work
failing that depending on how much it’s irritating you say if he doesn’t exercise hygiene washing hands he’ll have to move out
Only you know him to know his that will go down
You could try to irritate him
By spraying everything he touches in front of him including mug handles and say you’ll stop when he exercises hygiene because you’re not catching germs from the toilet?
and the soaps bone dry so unless he washed and then put it under the dryer it hasn’t been used !
drastic measures but if it’s really bothering you then you may have to think out of the box /
I don’t think I count cope with that - I feel for you
Just as contrast, when H was doing his ChemCert license training, the teacher was keen on washing hands BEFORE the piss, not afterwards, The actual risk was chemicals on the hands before the doings, not what was touched afterwards.
I looked at automatic foaming dispensers (like https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0F1CPNM25/ ) but ended up realizing they wouldn't help her specifically. Not sure if they might help someone else though.
Another thought is simply placement and balance. If someone is a fall hazard and uses a cane/etc, can they easily use both hands to reach the soap, faucet, stream of water?
Present it to him silently, and walk away. He knows what to do with it.
Same with bottled water or a glass of water.
Bottled water was best because I would stand close by but visible,
crack open the bottle and hand it to him, looking him in the eyes, wait, then if he drank, would hand him the cap. No forcing him on the amount he chose to drink.
I understand he doesn't have dementia, but sometimes the best thing to do with any elder is a good therapeutic lie so that you can keep him and you and everyone else in the house safe. With these mildly resistant or uncooperative seniors (even the only intermittently uncooperative) you have to find ways to smooth things over a lot of the time. It does seem to work well when you frame things as helping you vs. ordering them to do or not do.