Id like some advice on what to do concerning my mom.
She is in her 60s, struggling with mobility. She has had two or three falls this year, the last resulting in a trip to the ER. Scans came back fine, but I'm worried about her. She can hardly walk around a grocery store without being out of breath. Her feet are swollen from lack of moving around. I'm not sure what options there are if she is getting to the point she can't take care of herself. Living with me or my sibling is not an option... I'd really rather not go into why.
Edited to add: I live an hour away, she lives alone in an apartment. Shes hesitant about taking any type of medication for her depression or doing anything to make herself feel better. I've begged her to do so for years.
I don't believe she would qualify for Medicaid. But she doesn't make enough to pay for assisted living out of pocket. I'm really stumped as to how to help her.
Your mother is free to do as she pleases, including ignore all of her health issues including depression which likely keeps her sitting immobilized in front of a tv set all day. And you, my friend, are free to do as you please also, which includes issuing ultimatums. And then following thru with said ultimatums if mother refuses to do her part.
We all choose how we live life. Nobody "has to" do anything for anybody. Sometimes a bit of tough love is required to get a person to realize that they're not going to kill themselves on YOUR watch.
Will wish you good luck. If this still continues to happen she WILL qualify for placement. Hope not as I said, she's several decades younger than me and I would love to see her thrive. PT often better than docs as finding out exactly what the issue is.
You can't force her to do what she should be doing.
What you can do is if and when she needs help (other than an emergency) do what you want when you want.
You are not responsible for her choices.
You could have a serious discussion with her maybe something like this....
"Mom, we need to know what you want us to do in case of an emergency. There is a medical form that we should fill out that gives us an idea what emergency treatments you want. We can fill it out and the doctor will sign it and it will be put in your medical file. We also need to have one here in your apartment in case the paramedics are called..
(By the way if the form, a POLST, is not visible the paramedics are required to do what they can even if it goes against the wishes so always have a copy with you)
If mom is ever hospitalized and you do not think it is safe for her to be discharged to her home you utter that wonderful phrase..."This is an unsafe discharge" A hospital can not discharge her if it is unsafe.
Look into if she would qualify for Medicaid.
Or if she would qualify for any benefits from a husband. Of if husband was a Veteran she may be entitled to benefits (depending on his service and as long as she did not remarry)
The reason for the shortness of breath should be looked into.
The swelling of the feet/legs should also be checked.
The falls should also be mentioned. (They will or should ask if there have been any falls in the past year)
If everything checks out maybe the doctor could prescribe some PT sessions.
Some Senior Centers and some hospitals have programs that will help with balance.
If there is a Senior Center near by they may also have "exercise" programs that she might benefit from.
Does she do anything during the day? there may be some organizations that would love a Volunteer. That would get her out of the house and active as well as socializing with others.
You and siblings need to make it very clear to mom that living with you is NOT an option and she needs to do what she can to stay as independent as possible.
If she is living at home maybe looking at the probability of Senior Housing or Assisted Living where she would be near others and be able to get help with she needs it would be an option. ...when it comes to needing more help than either you or your sibling can provide.
I'm glad to hear that you and your sibling don't feel the need to have mom move in with you as she is NOT your responsibility.
If your mom is needing help she can either hire some in-home help with her own money or she can decide to move into an assisted living facility using her own money.
And if money is an issue she'll have to apply for Medicaid.
You can always call APS and share with them your concerns about your mom and let them come out and do an assessment. They will be able to better direct what should happen next.