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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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If a person has dementia (you do not give us any details which are important to provide a thoughtful response), then no.
Who are you? Who is the patient? In a nursing home or in a hospital? What is their health / mental / cogntive state?
The rule of thumb I would suggest: keep the person as calm as possible. Everything though depends on the mental state or if person inflicted with dementia. You do not want to add more confusion and fear to a brain that is no longer able to function. There is no reason to further confuse or upset them.
How cognizant is the person? Did they see them all the time? Did they have a good relationship? I think if it were my choice I would tell them ONE time. Let them grieve for that time while it is in their head. then after that make up excuses. They are at the store. They went to work. The car broke down and they will be late. repeat any and all as needed. I would suggest maybe a conversation like this... "John had to run to the store to get a few things, he won't be back for a while so why don't we make those cookies you like?" or "I know you miss seeing John today but he had to get the car fixed, can we get started on that movie you picked out?" These are acknowledging is missing "John" but then redirecting to an activity
Use your best judgment on this one. If it is going to upset the person, hold off for the time being. I can't give an answer because you know your loved one better than anyone else here on this forum. If you do decide to tell, just be prepared for the emotional fallout. Prepare yourself first and talk to their doctor first and then make a compassionate decision.
You know the one with dementia and the relationship they had. Use that as your guide. If the survivor will be upset or just forget and ask again, there is no gain to anyone if you tell the truth. I ask myself three questions: Will it make the other person feel better? Will it make me feel better? Will it make the situation better? If you don't get at least 2/3 as yes, don't say anything.
It’s hard to know what to do. My stepmom (in assisted living and declining)wanted to talk to my brother, who was dying and hadn’t wanted anyone told about it. He wasn’t in any condition to talk on the phone so they had to tell her why. She was understandably quite upset and passed the next day. She did not have dementia. Her other step daughter believes the news contributed to her sudden death. I’d never second guess anyone who decided not to tell their loved one if they decided it’s not in their best interest.
I think the answers you have been giving are good. You are not lying or misleading her. You also are not triggering anything that could be retraumatizing. Saying "he's not here" or redirecting the dialog to prior memories I think are good tools to use.
It must be very difficult and exhausting to navigate the dialog repeatedly. I am sorry. It seems this is a common aspect that loved ones face when caring for a family member.
Agree. I think your answer is very good. He’s not here. He’s at peace. He’s safe and sends his love. He’s doing okay and tells you he loves you. He’s not well but some dear friends are caring for him and he’s comfortable and sends you his love. We’ll see him soon. He had to take care of his own health issues and knows you understand. If she asks, did he die? I would tell her he slipped away peacefully and was not in any distress. Dear friends were with him and helped him. Only if she asks specifically. You are doing a good job. Hug.
My brother and I agreed when my brother was dying, that telling mom would not be good for her to loop her memories on. He passed 2 years before she did. Mom would occasionally ask about him. I would answer that I had not seen him for a while or I would just turn the question to her and ask when was the last time she saw him. The concept of time was beyond her memory. If she wanted, we could reminisce about long passed times of remembrance as an entire family.
I suspect my cousin (that my mom helped raise) is possibly dying. His sisters are not informing mom of his condition, so I have not asked them any questions so I don't have to inform mom. If she asks, I will not lie, even if I have valid info. I'm also not going to bring it up at all. In my case mom has paranoia and she needs to be able to trust someone, so she needs truthful people around her for her own good.
How advanced the disease is Relationship of the person to the deceased
When my brother passed he had been estranged from my parents for over 15 years. My Dad did not tell my Mom about the death due to the extremely long estrangement prior.
When Dad passed we told Mom. We had no choice as she was looking for her husband every hour.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Who are you?
Who is the patient?
In a nursing home or in a hospital?
What is their health / mental / cogntive state?
The rule of thumb I would suggest: keep the person as calm as possible.
Everything though depends on the mental state or if person inflicted with dementia. You do not want to add more confusion and fear to a brain that is no longer able to function. There is no reason to further confuse or upset them.
Gena / Touch Matters
Did they see them all the time?
Did they have a good relationship?
I think if it were my choice I would tell them ONE time. Let them grieve for that time while it is in their head. then after that make up excuses.
They are at the store.
They went to work.
The car broke down and they will be late.
repeat any and all as needed.
I would suggest maybe a conversation like this...
"John had to run to the store to get a few things, he won't be back for a while so why don't we make those cookies you like?"
or
"I know you miss seeing John today but he had to get the car fixed, can we get started on that movie you picked out?"
These are acknowledging is missing "John" but then redirecting to an activity
It must be very difficult and exhausting to navigate the dialog repeatedly. I am sorry. It seems this is a common aspect that loved ones face when caring for a family member.
I think you are already handling it just fine.
How advanced the disease is
Relationship of the person to the deceased
When my brother passed he had been estranged from my parents for over 15 years. My Dad did not tell my Mom about the death due to the extremely long estrangement prior.
When Dad passed we told Mom. We had no choice as she was looking for her husband every hour.
I think it is a case by case decision.