Follow
Share

Those of you who are familiar with my situation, know the history of my childhood and etc. Long story short, I’m not looking forward to the holiday season. My father is in a facility after a long and hard process. I know that there will be some type of argument soon because he keeps asking about days that have off for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I wish I could afford to be out of town but I can’t and I’m not going to spend my entire holiday vacation with him. I hate that things are like this and they should not be. I’m going to try my best to leave town to enjoy myself because I deserve it but if something happens and I can’t, I’m needing suggestions on how to enjoy the holidays alone. I live in an area where there is nothing to do. I have a couple or relatives close by but usually when we get together, there is always some type of disagreement. I’m just trying to keep my mood up because I can feel the depression setting in. Also it doesn’t help that my mom died two days after Christmas many years ago.

Find Care & Housing
I hate that SO much attention is focused on The Holidays, that SO much stress ensues, year after year, like clockwork. Thanksgiving is a day to eat too much in celebration of the harvest and other blessings of the year. So order in some food from your favorite restaurant, don't take your housecoat off, and watch some movies.

Christmas is Jesus's birthday. Which we've turned into a season that starts before Halloween, sends us into debt, and causes depression if we're not having Facebook moments to share. I'm so sorry you lost your mom during Christmas. This year, in her memory, pamper yourself instead of others. Give yourself a spa day at home and relax. Buy yourself a lovely gift and eat some of your favorite food.

Avoid giving your father any details of your days off, and see him briefly at your convenience. If it's never good enough anyway, why kill yourself? That was my motto with my mother in the last few years.
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to lealonnie1
Report
cxmoody Oct 28, 2024
This. Spot on, as usual!
(2)
Report
See 1 more reply
Well last year for Thanksgiving I was just feeling the need to get away by myself and just regroup and spend time with God and in prayer.
So I rented a condo at the beach oceanfront for the week, and just enjoyed the sound of the pounding waves, and the tranquility of being by myself with God.
It was actually life changing, as when we're still and quiet before Him, it is then that He can speak to us without all the distractions of life.
I HIGHLY recommend it if at all possible, whether you do it for Thanksgiving or Christmas or both.
You do you, and don't worry about what others think or say.
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to funkygrandma59
Report
faithfulbeauty Oct 28, 2024
I agree. Sitting and quiet with God is wonderful. I often turn the volume down on my tv and just sit. I'm definitely going to try to leave town and I'm not able to, I will focus on me.
(5)
Report
See 4 more replies
Staycation time. Get some movies. Get some decadent food, and focus only on yourself. Maybe even go to a local hotel for a day or two to change up the routine.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to ZippyZee
Report

Reading, eating and staying away from anyone who doesn't make you smile is the way to go.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to Nan333
Report

Hi, faithful, it's a hard time of year for many people, that you are not alone.

I think, having your head space in a good place now is a place to start, worrying about it now only adds to the up income stress.

Try to meditate, mindfulness, and practice compartmentalizing. I'm getting really good at this.

Like if I'm at moms and had a stressful time of it. I honestly talk to myself, when I leave mom's I say to myself, don't bring it home , this is over, live your life, let go let God, let the marbles fall where they may. Over and over, I get home and I feel pretty good. So have faith in yourself that you can do that and keep practicing it. It really works for me. If anyone new all the positive affirmations I say to myself, I might be in a rubber room. Lol but honestly it keeps me out of that rubber room.

Also practice, the "gray rock method." Last week I went to moms, my brother stopped in, we have very very different beliefs, I have gotten very good at advoiding any controversial issues, but when someone brings them up, I have a difficult time controlling myself. So we were sitting there and my brother started to say something, wanting to ruffle my feathers. I looked at him dead in the eye, smiled mid sentence I got up went to the bathroom, came back smile happy self and the subject was changed, and he never said another word that he new I wouldn't like.

This takes practice, so I'd start now.

Know in your heart you can go, you can leave it all behind when you leave and that NO one is going to rain on your happiness parade.

Or don't go at all. That works too. 😆 , do what's best for YOU
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to Anxietynacy
Report
faithfulbeauty Oct 28, 2024
I will definitely try the affirmations. I know I have to do something. One of my coworkers was talking about how she could not wait for Christmas and I immediately started thinking about how I was not looking forward to it. Seems like I have been depressed since then. I have learned to let go of more recently. Some things are out of my control. I just want to be happy.
(4)
Report
This is the man who did nothing for you or Mom growing up, right? You do not owe it to him to spend the holidays with him. His facility will probably put on a dinners. You can joined him or not. Maybe go for TG and just a nice gift and a little visit Christmas. Your Dad is in the position he is because of the choices he made. You have done more than enough for this man. I live on the East coast and Williamsburg is not too far. They put on a great Christmas. You can just be alone. Lots of people do this and enjoy the peace and quiet. Block Dad. Buy a premade dinner from a diner the day before. Heat that up and watch Hallmark all day.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
faithfulbeauty Oct 28, 2024
@JoAnn, I usually look forward to alone time but for some reason this year is different. I really need to get out of town and I'm going to try very hard to do that. I think I have been through so much it is taking a BIG toll on me. I am back in therapy again and it is helping but I love this group because so many of us have been through the same thing. If I do end up staying home, I will prepare myself meal and will buy part of it. :)
(4)
Report
You can fib and tell Dad you went away all or part of the time . Otherwise he will be wanting you there or bugging you to bring him home on your days off .

Don’t share with him what your days off are either . You have to stop being so honest with him regarding your own life .

I’d read , watch movies , bake , go for a walk , purge a closet . Maybe one day go to a spa .
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to waytomisery
Report

Do what is best for you. Don’t give your dad your schedule and enjoy the season. All of us caregivers here on this site deserve to have some joy during the holidays.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Hothouseflower
Report
faithfulbeauty Oct 28, 2024
We definitely deserve some joy!!!!
(2)
Report
See 1 more reply
Many people find it satisfying to do some sort of service on holidays like volunteering at a shelter to serve a meal or visiting people who are shut-ins.

If you don't get along with your local relatives, what about your friends? Surely, there must be a friend who would love to have you for the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. Or maybe like you've said get out of town. Would your daughter be interested in taking a holiday vacation with you?

It's hard to be alone on holidays. I hope you find something fun.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to BurntCaregiver
Report
cover9339 Oct 29, 2024
Not necessarily, burnt. Sometimes it pays to be alone on the holidays. No stress, no mess, no worries.
(10)
Report
See 1 more reply
It's just going to be and my mom for this year's holiday. We are just going to make a few dishes that we like and hang out at home, maybe go for a drive. If I was by myself, I would either go somewhere warm and relax or spend the time at home. I have seen things on facebook where people offer to have someone who doesn't have anywhere to go on holidays to come and celebrate with them.

In a way, it's kind of nice to not get together with family. There's no expectations or awkwardness. My siblings might get in a fight or just be pissy at the holidays or make fun of their presents. I'm going to try to look at the positives year and think about happier things.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to EmotionallyNumb
Report

See All Answers
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter