I care for my 85 year-old mother with advanced Parkinson's disease since my dad passed in late 2023. Both of them declined rapidly and there was a lot of leg work in finding them places to live (assisted/skilled care homes,) selling their home, and after dad passed selling my home and buying a ranch home (with her money) to care for her and get her out of the home which she hated. After two years I am feeling burned out. I quit my job and write myself small checks, but did not realize that my sister, who lives in another state and refuses to help, resents the money being spent because she thinks I am somehow benefitting. She'd be fine to leave Mom in a home. I mistakenly thought she was grateful and I could be compensated from Mom's estate, but our atty does not think she has capacity to change her will/trust. What can I do? Create caregiver compensation contract? How do I calculate everything? She is wheelchair bound and requires 24/7 care. I know that if my dad could have predicted all that I have done he would have made provisions, but there are none.
Positive spin imo on all this is as Sissy lives in another State, it’s cumbersome & expensive for her to do too much actual interference about where mom lives and what mom did with her $ from the sale of her home and who it “benefitted”. She can call and carp but unless she is willing to spend the $ to hire an attorney in your city / county to represent her for guardianship hearing, well in my experience, her complaints goes nowhere.
Negative spin will be IF someone else thinks you have benefited from the $ from the sale moms home. If the new house is only in your name and paid for by moms $, you benefitted. The someone else that COULD be concerned is your State’s Medicaid system.
Why? Well if mom all on her own does not 100% still have enough $ to private pay for care in a facility SHOULD her health status change for the worse while living with you AND mom gets to the point where you cannot realistically continue to be her caregiver; AND SHOULD this occur before 2029-2030 (assuming house stuff done 2023/24) and she files for LTC Medicaid, she will likely be ineligible as she gifted $ to you. Sale of her home & purchase of your home is all in State records, $ will show up and to the penny.
Average length of stay in a NH is 2.5 years & avg cost is abt 10-12K a month. Let’s say 11K, so 330K. Does mom in savings + investments + $ left from the sale of her home have $330,000? 300K+ in assets in her name? Not her monthly income (like Social Security or a pension) but assets? If not, then what usually happens is elder or their POA will file for the LTC Medicaid program which will pay for long term custodial care in a NH if the applicant is “at need” medically & financially.
Here’s my concern for you….. your mom essentially used $ from the sale of her home (an asset of hers) to gift you $ to buy/build a home that is in your name that you both now live in. Medicaid will consider it to be that she gifted $ to you. There will be a transfer of assets penalty placed on her eligibility to go onto any State “at need” program that looks at her assets, such as LTC Medicaid. The program has a 5 yr lookback on assets for most States. That why I wrote 2029 - 2030 as she has to wait to get beyond the 5 yr point to avoid a transfer penalty. I’m guessing it was in 2024.
Transfer penalty is serious stuff. How it runs is kinda like this: a dad sold his 550k tax assessor value home & gave all $ to his son Jan 2023. They move into a new home in the son’s name. This year Dad gets to the point that he absolutely needs 24/7 oversight; goes into a NH 6/1/26; he’s under 2K savings, so files for LTC Medicaid & is “Medicaid Pending”; almost all his mo income is a required copay to the NH. Dad’s State LTC Medicaid pays NH $275 a day and takes abt 4 mos to process applications. Today house sale surfaces and places a transfer (of assets) penalty of 2,000 Days (550K divided by 275). Penalty starts the date he filed that LTC Medicaid application on 6/1. NH will be owed for his time there to date less whatever he paid from his Social Security. Either you settle the bill and then private pay for his stay for him to remain there or you move him back home. NH will not let him stay there indefinitely.
If that attorney knew abt mom gifting $ & has not ever mentioned anything about LTC Medicaid rules, imh¬ an attorney opinion, you need to find an elder law atty who is experienced in 1. how LTC Medicaid program runs for your State in evaluating transfers, 2, options on what you can do now re: compensation like rent or a personal care contract, 3 be there to shepherd moms future LTC Medicaid application of need be. And do this ASAP.
Does she have a trust? If so, who is the trustee? If someone else is the trustee maybe that person is able to authorize an employment contract. If you quit your job and are not getting paid and therefore not contributing to your SS withholding, this may mean far fewer benefits for you when you are elderly.
Does she have a diagnosis of dementia or other cognitive decline, or is she of sound mind with just physical issues?
Whose name is the house in? Hers or yours or both? For the household bills, whose money do you use?
Not trying to interrogate, just to clarify details.