My grandpa is 83 and has Dementia. I would say that he is declining a lot these days. Lately I have to get him up from sitting on his chair and have him walk to the bathroom and try to use it and if he can’t then I have to change his “pull up” his depends type underwear. Lately he has been going pee in this a lot more these days. He hardly uses the toilet to pee, unless he is right there and needs to pee. Which isn’t the case most times. He tells me that I am going to kill him and not to drag it out just kill him already, so he doesn’t have to guess when it will happen. I try to calm him down and tell him I’d never do that and that we just gotta change his wet pull up and clean up and put his dry one on. He has been putting all his weight on the leg that I am trying to have him lift up so I can take his underwear off. It’s been so hard lately cause he will fight me all the way. From the walker to the bathroom, to the taking his underwear off. Does anyone have any advice on making it easier on me? Cause it’s been so rough these days and it’s only seeming to get harder. I know I have it a lot easier then most, especially because I don’t have to change his diapers yet. But I’m can feel it’s almost there. Any advice would be nice. Thank you and god bless you all!
When grandpa did all those kind things for you, he was in a time of his life when his health was good and he enjoyed and benefitted mentally and emotionally from helping his beloved grandchild. (I'm a grandparent, and that's the way it is.) My grandchildren are important to me and I love them dearly. That is why I don't expect them to feel indebted to me for what I've done for them when it was a pleasure for me. I would never ever expect from them what your family and grandpa expect from you. True parental and grandparental love are selfLESS, not selfish.
What if grandpa lives another 10 or 15 years? Trust me, you will go bananas if you stick to your altruistic vow of helping as long as you can as long as you are able. That is not a a good idea. You and your life are important. He's mostly lived his.
Do you have a job? If not, you are cheating yourself because you've not building social security credits. SS is what will take care of you in your old age. You might not be so lucky to have a grandchild like you who will sacrifice their life to change your diapers. Do you have a significant other? You should be thinking about that. Your youth is slipping away. Do you have an education that will help you in your career? Or have you put that on hold? DON'T DO THAT.
As for the toileting of grandpa, this is going to get much worse. You aren't a professional caregiver, but he will soon need more than one person to care for him, and he deserves better than someone who's learning on the job (you). Please talk to your family and tell his children that you need out. This is more responsibility than you should be carrying. Also, based on his conversations with you, sweet kind grandpa may become combative. That's normal with dementia. He may strike out, he may yell and scream bad words or make accusations that aren't true. Protect yourself. Once he starts abusing you, stay away from him. Dementia or not, never allow anyone to abuse you. Dump the problem back in your mom's lap and let her deal with it. A memory care home might be the best place for grandpa to get the best care, and you should tell her that.
Good luck, and please let us know how you're doing.
The Covid scare was mostly over by 2021-2022. It’s been five years now, five years of youth that you, op, will never get back.
And as for assuming grandpa will take care of you? That’s what fil did when he refused to pay for his own kids’ college. He thought his mother would. The kids went into construction as dad kept promising it’d be easy street for them once his mom died. She took until 103 to do it. A few years later, fil and mil commenced on getting 24/7 help for their then very acute conditions with grandmas inheritance. Fil died of his, but mil is in remission, basically healthy, with care basically at an elective 16 out of 24 hours a day for the rest of her life whether healthy or not. She’s only 81. As far as what that grandma left, the grandkids never will see it. Their parents took care of that.
Same thing with your mom and aunts/uncles unless you’re informed otherwise in writing, Your mom and her siblings need to put on their big girl pants and handle this themselves or put him in a home instead of forcing it on you. Especially since you likely won’t benefit like them.
Op, I’d give a months notice, perhaps two, or whenever you get your first offer from care.com to do half the work you do now for enough money to afford your own room and your own independence. There seriously are agencies charging 70+/hr just to provide employees that drive miss Daisy around, no diaper handling required.
To take off the pull up brief just rip it at the side.
When you get him into the bathroom rip the brief and have him sit down.
After he is done you can more easily and safely put on the clean pull up brief.
Not sure if this is the problem your having and I found this out when Mom went to Assisted Living. Diapers tear down the sides making it easier to get off. If your Dad has slacks on what you do is drop them till they are around his ankles. You slip one leg of the diaper over his ankle slipping the other side of the diaper thru the inside of his pants over to the other ankle and slip on. Then you can pick up the diaper and his pants too and bring them up. I hope I dicribed that right. There is probably a YouTube video on it.