My mom is a US citizen living in Canada. She is almost 90 and living in a nursing home. She is going to sell her house and wants to come live here in NJ with us. So we will have to buy a new house because ours is way too small. So should her, my husband & I all be on the mortgage? And another question is she is in a wheelchair but thinks she can walk. How do I get her from there to here(439 miles)when she can't get into my SUV because its too high. I have researched wheelchair accessible vans but you cannot take them across the border. Anyone have any advice or ideas for me? And I know I need to become her POA for the USA but how do I do that when she's not here yet? I need to get it done soon!
does she have family in Canada?
Mom doesn't have to come to New Jersey just to assign you as her POA. Have a NJ elder-law attorney prepare the appropriate documents and arrange for Mom to execute them properly in Canada. Notarization in Canada will be recognized in NJ.
If you have to have the Canadian medical transport van transport her to the border and meet the American medical transport van. Ideally you would only have one medical transport van but if they are not allowed to border cross this is what I would do.
If mom wants to come back to the US, then I add my voice to the others here that she do so on the criteria that she move directly into a facility that better suits her needs.
Plus are you sure that she has mental capacity to sign a POA?
I took care of both parents, both of whom lived into their 90s. I was willing and eager, just like you. Their dying took 5 years, and they were not in good health at all. My life was miserable, and I resent that they didn't plan better with a plan that didn't include me. They should have been in a LTC facility, and so should your mom.
Mom needs skilled nursing now. Unless you are a professional nurse, an RN, you're not up to the job no matter how much you love her. Please don't do this!
Has she assigned you POA in Canada? She can certainly assign you POA in the US, it's a simple enough form, but only if she's mentally capable. Someone who uses a wheelchair but believes she can walk doesn't sound especially capable.
She's in a nursing home because she needs residential care. You're not equipped to replace an entire staff, you're one person. And frankly if she's not up to traveling 400 miles maybe she isn't up to relocating.
Sure she can sell her house and move to NJ. It's odd that it hasn't been sold already if she doesn't live there any more. Assuming she is capable of selling real estate and moving countries you move her directly to a residential care facility which you line up BEFORE she arrives. None of this "oh, she's just here while we find her a good fit". No.
No you don't buy a new house with your money, her money, or a loan directly from the Lord. You don't take on a new mortgage in what must be your 60's. That's very bad financially along with everything else. What are you going to do with this giant house when you're in your 70's and she's gone? Sell that and buy a smaller one again? No.
I think your efforts would be best spent figuring out everything you need to do to make the rest of her time go as smoothly as possible where she already is.
If she is trying to guilt-trip you into taking her into your home. or trying to bribe you with the promise of a bigger house if you take her in, don't fall for it. If she sincerely wants to be closer to you for positive reasons, then she'll agree to do it by changing care facilities, not by disrupting your home life.